Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Silence, air sucking like a vacuum in space.  All eyes on you, you try not to notice, but you can't help it.  

Going through the motions just as rehearsed, hearing every little cough and chuckle.  Yet the heartbeat deafening, a bass techno drum signaling the rushing adrenaline, that bell-alarm-clock jittery feeling.      

Motions swift, sweep here, step there, stop on the beat, step over their line, cheat out.  Stay confident, words loud and unabashed.  Don't choke.   Don't let yourself choke.  

Your favorite move comes and you hold a freeze, milk it, and you can almost feel the jaws drop, the sound of the wind sucked in at the awe.  I did it, I'm amazing.  Now I'm validated, they want me, they love me, they need me because of this amazing thing I can do.  I'm a one trick pony of the minute and this is my 15th minute.  They have to love it, I hit that part so perfect, I remembered to be strong here, to hold myself with poise here, to recede here, to project here.  I did everything I was supposed to do.

Though I did stumble there, hiccups.  Uncontrollable, too excited about being excited.  I tripped up there.  Oh no.  I deluded myself into thinking I could be great.

I stand ready for the expected silence which speaks of a crowd's indifference and their applause is validation.